The Person Within.

I realize it's been a good few days since my last post, and as I sit to write this one, my thoughts are clouded. I'm not even sure what to call it....just bare with me for a moment though.

Friday night spelled trouble, as once again I found myself reverting to some person that I have been trying all my life to discard. A person, a woman, I know that can be better. I won't go into the boring details of what occurred, but I will share some of my insight, taken straight from the life I strive for, as well as from the life that is mine.
It was at a very young age that I remember thinking, "you can be better than this...you can change the pattern, and you can pave your destiny." I am not sure of the exact age, but I can tell you, it was definitely young enough to realize that this is not the mind of a mere child, nor should these heavy thoughts be within a child.

I grew up, always pushing the limits, seeing what I could and could not slip past my parents. Just like any normal growing mind, you want to see how far you can go. Now I didn't do this, at least not in my mind, on purpose, or to increasingly annoy and perturb the rents. It was just that I was young......and now, as I watch my own children, I see that my mind was just overcrowded with other things, everything in the world, and thus the world was my playground. This made it very easy to forget, or to put a said lesson or rule aside........ only to have it slap you in the face down the road, because you didn't store it away, and repeated the same "bad" thing as before. Getting in trouble, and being yelled at.....A LOT  was very common place for me, and would soon, as I grew, prove to help pave my thinking as a child, a person, and the woman I was to be.

I have never been one to have much self confidence, although the outward appearance may say otherwise. While again, I won't go into details as to why this is, I will say that growing up, my flaws or my imperfections as they were, were made very clear to me. This, forcing me to dwell on them, everyday, every night, and having me realize that I was not like "them". Everyone I saw, whether in person, television, magazines, wherever..was better than me. Not only in looks, but in mind and spirit too...it is a way of thinking that has been very difficult to shed, even to this day as I write this. However, having so many inner battles daily then and now, outwardly pushed me to hide them. I guess you could say to be the "crowd pleaser" if you will. The one that was so fun and bubbly, "there is no way she's not like us".......
This way of dealing was my comfort, my way of ignoring what I worked so hard to hide, and over the years has only come back to bite me in the ass.

Over all this time passing, and because of this deep down hidden battle, I have developed a defense mechanism, that if you saw it for the first time, you'd think I was, for lack of a better word, insane....and I mean this with all seriousness. If I feel that a person or persons are encroaching too close to my "dark hole" if you will..or that they are beginning to find me out, or have already and are poking at it....my horns raise up, and all hell is unleashed. What a horrible way to be.

Anyways, to sum this ramble up, my thought is this. I still have a long way to go, but my battle now is not to hide my insecurities anymore, but to face them head on, and to one day embrace them. As a young child once told me..."you can be better than this...you can change the pattern, and you can pave your destiny."

Thank you.

It may be a CRAZY life, but it's OUR life,

Not So Sexy Back! My 2nd Week!

Well, here we go......
The results are in for my second week of "Bringing Sexy Back". First off I want to thank my dear friend and co-worker for helping me with this blogging thing and for getting me into the idea! I am having so much fun with it! I currently have changed my set up and page about 3 different times, and I imagine it will keep on changing until I find one I am so in LOVE with :)

Anyhoo, for this week, I have to say I have done terrible. I am up 2 pounds since last week, and I put the blame on the Big Papa for that ;) Although it was nice visit, his food and cooking didn't help with any of my eating goals,lol. It was so yummy, and then we had to have ice cream for dessert, and that just completely blew everything out of the water! There is still some of that deliciousness left too, and someone has to eat it..right?? I mean who am I to waste the delectable, peanut butter and fudge filled sweetness? I dare say that would be a blaspheme  for all ice cream connoisseurs everywhere!! Oh well, tonight will be the last night of enjoyment of such things, as I will be finishing off the little that is left..and get back to being good.

I am, however going to pull the "all part of being a woman" card on this as well. I mean let's face it.....we go through it every month, and those darn "symptoms" definitely do not help, when you're trying to fit into your favorite pair of jeans! Am I right or am I right?? Com'on ladies, lets not be shy about it, lol.

Even with the ice cream debacle and the pains of being a woman, I am still doing well at maintaining the previous steps I mentioned in last week..so that's something right? I would so love to get back into the gym, or punch the heck out of a bag again, but school is proving to make that a difficult task. Not only can I not make it to the gym during the week (my schedule is pretty filled up), by the time the glorious weekend hits, I am no one to be messed with on my laziness, or lack of wanting to do anything..ha! I want my sleep, and I want to veg, and not think......I know, I know such a bad way to be. So, I am slowly going to work on that. It is my promise to myself. So if next week, I tell you all about my weekend and how I did absolutely nothing..you have my permission to slap it outta me, capisce??

That is it for now...I'll get around to posting some pics and my measurements here soon..I promise!
Have a splendid Thursday!!!



It may be a CRAZY life, but it's OUR life,

Little Happy Thoughts...

For the past few days I have been sitting and trying to think on what to write. With the Boston bombing, among other tragedies I have read in social media, words seem to have escaped me, my thoughts all abuzz with grief, and anger. Trying to contemplate and wrap my head around so much evil that is in this world just didn't make for a nice blog idea. Today, however, I have been able to calm my senses, relax some and have begun seeing the good in this world and it's people again, so here are my thoughts....

~New Zealand has legalized marriage equality, making it the 13th country to do so. I couldn't be more happy about this..way to be Zealanders!! In the grand scheme of things, it would seem, that fighting over the right of everyone to be equal when it comes to love is just silly, and insignificant. In saying that, it is not meant that this cause is not important or worthy, on the contrary! The thought is basically that it should just be, no stance against it at all, I mean, why would we want to tolerate and accept hate, when there is already sooo much of that happening all over?? Wouldn't we rather, us human beings that are given the freedom of choice in our thoughts, be spending that time appreciating and accepting LOVE???

~I have seen a few pictures of children from around the world, holding signs in love and support of Boston and America as a whole. This just fills me with joy, as it shows once again, the innocence of children, the compassion they hold, and how we as their mentors need to nurture that, and let it grow into something beautiful...all over the world! Here is an example :

~Even with the hate that is "Westborough", (it is never nice or easy to read of their "plans"), the out-pour of LOVE and PEACE from all walks of life,  all over the country in an effort to put a stop to them, just leaves me with hope that the HATE and the EVIL will not persevere, and we will shake their foundations and they will crumble! Another example:

This is what happens when their page gets "brandjacked"...funny take, but still rings so true to the point!

~Lately I have also seen a huge growth in the fight against violence on women, and on the fight against bullying. While the very thought that this is even necessary saddens me..daily, it also brings comfort knowing that the good people of this earth aren't backing down and taking it anymore. All the groups and actions, petitions being taken, is just another proof of that LOVE still exists. Here are some of these groups standing for a cause:
https://www.facebook.com/cathyscreationsjewelry
https://www.facebook.com/UniteWomen?fref=ts
There are so many more out there, and not just ones to follow on Facebook either. These are just a couple that I like, and follow.
~Last but not least, of course my children bring me joy and comfort. Knowing that I am raising them with open minds and hearts helps to calm the sadness that is out there. I hold to the hope that it will end soon, and this next generation will be able to live in a welcoming and soulful society one day. Remember to cherish your days, your loved ones and not to take these gifts for granted. We are beautiful creatures, born of this earth, not just to sustain life, but to live it! Smile at those around you today...it just needs to start with one!

~Oh yeah, seeing cute pictures of animals always helps fight through the bad too :) Mucho LOVE!!




It may be a CRAZY life, but it's OUR life,

First of Many Friday's Letters

Dear Week: Thank you for flying by. That means after tonight I only have one more week of my classes for this module and get to move on to my next set. Very exciting. Also, thank you for this time we got to spend with the Big Papa, has been an excellent visit thus far!
Dear Friday: I am so glad you made it!! I've been looking forward to you all week, even though the BF had his surgery...but even with that, I thank you, because, it's over now and he is recovering super well!! This is my last long night of class before the weekend too, so you rock!
Dear Doctors and Staff: Thank you, THANK YOU, so much for taking care of my love! Because of you he will feel soo much better...after the the next few days of recovery of course :)
Dear Credit Report: I am slowly working on getting you back to perfect health. Just hang with me a bit longer, and I promise we will have an awesome relationship again. Oh, yeah, one more thing...take it easy on me will you?? lol
Dear Love: I know everyday with you is a gift, and a treasure on my heart. Without you..well, we know what that would mean. Even still, you have stuck by me..and I usually take it without realizing it's power..so I thank you. Today and everyday, you are my rock and my safe haven. Please always know that...even if I am a pill cutting off you air supply sometimes :-/
Dear Weather: Please just decide what you want to do. Today is the first day this week that I got my clothing right.
Dear Universe: You must be working overtime lately...please give me a break soon :)
Dear Body: Same goes for you...cut me some slack. I can only go to the doctors so much before people start thinking I'm making this shit up. Seriously, I'm over it already.
Dear Brain: I know I overworked you this week, with the final paper, and all the usual assignments and stuff, but I just need you to hold on a while longer this week..I must get an A on my AP quiz! Thank you for your time and availability :)
Dear Super Friend: Thanks so much for super neato Wonderland necklace :)
I think that's all for now...wait,
Dear USPS: Please, for the love of all things orange...GET IT TOGETHER!!! Thank you :)

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! I like this letter stuff ;)

Sarah :)

The Time Is Now.

Happy Friday all! It looks like we'll be having some nice weather this weekend, hopefully we'll be able to enjoy it some. I heard we may be in for some snow come Monday or Tuesday..blech! Don't get me wrong, snow is one of the reasons I love Colorado so much, but I do have to say, this girl is ready for Spring! As much as I prefer the Autumn/Fall seasons, I am looking forward to a wonderful warm weather summer as well. Hopefully we'll get some rain thrown in there somewhere though..we sure need it! I do not want a repeat of last years big scare!

Anyhoo, on with my thoughts for today. Just went to the doctors this morning...again. This time for what we think may be a Gastritis, or Gall Bladder issue. Yuck! Can I just say I am only 33, and as my doctor said this morning "I sure don't like doing anything easy" Well, this lady is ready for easy. After my C-section, then a Colposcopy, Kidney Stone procedure, Fibroid Cysts and Hernia surgery..I am done with my body wanting to make everything difficult. I mean seriously, can I catch a break here? Now with this matter to deal with, I just keep wondering whats next. The doctors all say, I'm pretty healthy, blood pressure is great, heart rate is normal..but all this other stuff..gaw! I feel like I could live at a Physicians Office. Well, at least I know I am being proactive, getting things taken care of and all. The Time Is Now, and not later I suppose.

Well, enough of all that boring dribble. What else? Oh yeah, I am keeping my scores up in school for this week, scoring 100% on both my assignment and quiz for MIBC 101 HIM class. So go me! Haven't gotten my scores back on my A&P assignments, but I think I did pretty well. Have to work on my quiz in 102 more tonight, and then finish up my final paper for HIM this weekend. Ohh the woes of being a student :)

Not sure what else the weekend will bring, but I am looking forward to our family visitor arriving in town on Monday, always a hoot with him. Next week should be pretty fun, well at least there will be some good food coming our way, lol.

I think that is all I'm thinking for now though. I hope to pick up on this Blogging and get better at it, maybe one day have a better Blog page as well. For now, I will just work on getting some of you to follow me and my ongoing debacle with life. Hasta for now and enjoy your weekend!

Time Flies when You're Having...Fun?

So, it's already April?? I can't believe it. Time just flies as you get older, or maybe because we're getting older we notice time more? I remember not ever caring about time, days, months that had past when I was growing up. Mainly because I couldn't wait to grow up, and I was a kid, time was not of the essence. Now it seems, its all we think about as adults. Our forever growing lists of "to dos", planning this event or that one, going to work, going to school, and more school, doing other "adult" things, having a timeline on your life "I want to be married with kids by this age, or own a home by this age". Sometimes we can get so caught up in all these grown up things, that we can actually forget to just live and enjoy. So, that's what I'm going to force myself to do this year...wake up and smell the roses, or at least look at the roses, I really hate bees, lol.

With all that rambling on, I also have another goal in mind. To be more health conscious. To no longer look at my weight as a goal, but a change of my lifestyle. I won't lie, as I am sure we all have these thoughts, "what about the foods I love?" "I know I should work out tonight, but I have this show to watch" or something, whatever we use as an excuse to not better ourselves health wise. Whatever our reasons, I know one thing for sure, they hold us back. My big excuse right now is my schooling, I am in class five nights a week, five hours a night. I barely have time to rest after getting home from working..and don't even get me started on this past month of me being ailed by sickness over and over again. The thing is, I know I am horrible at keeping with my fitness or health goals, it's why I decided to view it differently this time, which is to "take it slow". I am not going to change my habits overnight, nor will I be in the body I wish to be in in a week or shorter. It will take work, and will be a challenge, but I know me, and if I go all gung-ho at once. I'll eventually quit. I get easily frustrated if I don't see the results right away. That is why I made just small changes in my life, ones that I knew I could do, and that in the long run...very long run, they would help.

First: I switched to drinking nothing, and I mean nothing but water. Now, I will not try to sugar coat it and say it was easy..by far it wasn't. I love my sweet tea, my coffee in the a.m., the occasional Starbucks trip. But I knew this was a change I COULD do...and I love water, so why not? It wasn't like I was switching to some god-awful green shake thing every morning..it's water, something I drink already, but at the time maybe not enough of. Now, I definitely get my 8 glasses and then some each and every day. I've been doing this switch since last September, and it has definitely worked. I have slowly lost some pounds, inches..but I mean slooowwwly. Still it was a small change, and one that I've kept up with, so I am okay with the slow progress. I have on occasion slipped and had a sip of sweet tea, or my coffee, but not much, lol.
Second: I drastically, well both myself and my boyfriend cut back on our eating out craze. This change is sort of a win-win one. Not only are we cutting back on our overly fatty food intake, but we're also saving the moola. Can't beat that one. Now, this was another tough change, as anyone knows..we love our food. Especially the fried, overly sauced, 4 course meals that you can find at any restaurant, but it was another change that myself as well as him new we could do. Now, on occasion we "treat" ourselves, I mean, we're not perfect, lol. But these results have also been a bit slow, and that is also okay with me. I know these changes are a positive step in the right direction.
Lastly: Since we're not eating out as much, that gives us more time to plan and branch out on our meals at home, and with that, we can still eat some foods we love, but on a healthier side. This has proven to be a bit tough, since we are both kind of picky eaters, but so far we have found a medium we can both do. I will say, he is more of the picky one than I am. The man barely eats any vegetable, which makes it even harder to get on the right track with health (soo many good, and delicious recipes out there), that I would love, but he wont eat. I did get him to eat spinach though..so that's something :)

Easter..Oh was that today?

I know, I know...I'm a little late with the wishes for yesterday, but since I was on the road, I just didn't have the chance. With that being said, I sure do hope that all.. not many as of yet, (but just in case this finds you) had a Happy one, spent with family and friends, maybe some good feasts and some laughs. I for one had a pretty good day, even with the sadness and quiet of having to return the kiddos to their father on Saturday. It is a pretty long and boring drive to say the least, but we made it back, we had some laughs and some pretty good food for lunch..minus the disgusting onions and peppers in my breakfast burrito :( All in all can't complain too much, except that I was unsuccessful in finding one package of Robin Eggs at the store we stopped at in Santa Fe...humbug!

Anyways, now here we are on Monday, and I am at work, blech! However, you have to smile when you company does an egg hunt, and then hides prizes in them :) I was lucky enough to find the Golden Ticket, no Snitch, I mean Egg, lol. Got me a nice little prize too, definitely made my day. Oh and I guess it is also April Fools, which I never participate in, but I did think having us all search around for these rare Golden Eggs was a farce, I mean you should have seen everyone looking up and down and everywhere for these things...yes, even myself, lol. I think it would have been a fun trick, but alas I am lucky enough to work with some nice people who "would never do anything like that" haha.

Now to sit here the rest of the day and fill up on sugar, find out which Jelly Belly I am eating and contemplate doing some work. Unfortunately it is not in my nature to avoid work, so I suppose I must get to it. Have a fabulous first of April, don't get fooled, if you can help it and enjoy your Monday.


If you have Robin Eggs, bring them my way ;)